


Need Me

by tellthenight



Series: Rebuild 'Verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Post-Canon, Smut, human!Cas, life after hunting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-19
Updated: 2015-08-19
Packaged: 2018-04-15 10:22:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4603185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tellthenight/pseuds/tellthenight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean misses his brother. Cas is always there, though, and he's learned the signs of how to help Dean through his lowest points. When Dean actually turns to Cas for comfort Cas has no idea what to think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Need Me

He did just fine for a little over a week, but then Cas came to know the pattern quickly. Day nine found Dean quiet and irritable, day ten maudlin and nostalgic. Day eleven he was tired and then on day twelve he would text Cas to meet him somewhere after work and they’d spend the evening out. They cycled through it three times after Sam left before Dean said something while they were at a bar.

 

“I miss him, Cas.” He turned the mug in his hands around, sliding it through the trail of condensation that had pooled under the glass.

 

“I know.”

 

“But it’s good right? Every time I talk to him he’s excited and working and…” Dean trailed off and drank again from his beer. “I think he’s good.”

 

“But you’re not.”

 

Dean stared at the mug in his hand. “Just trying to figure this out, I guess.” When he had come back from the bathroom earlier he had scooted his stool as close to Cas as he could and now Dean put a hand on Cas’s knee, rubbing gently and letting their shoulders bump.

 

“I know we planned to stay out, but you think we can go back early?” Dean asked, eyes on his beer.

 

Yes,” Cas said and when they stood to leave he reached for Dean’s hand before he thought about where they were. He started to pull back, but Dean gripped him tight and looked back at him with raised eyebrows.

 

“Coming?”

 

Cas nodded and walked with him, but it was strange... and maybe wrong? Cas wasn’t sure.

 

Dean was quiet again on the drive back and kept the music low too, but he hummed along until they pulled up to the tired duplex. He hummed while he followed Cas to the door, a hand to the small of Cas’s back like he was going to guide him inside.

 

Cas reached to turn the light on and Dean stopped him, matching their hands up bone to bone, He stood there with moonlight coming in behind him like he was measuring, calculating, evaluating and Castiel almost pulled back. This Dean was Hunter Dean- the one who was always analyzing. This Dean was the wrong Dean, the one he left in Kansas.

 

“Cas…” his voice came low and raspy. “I want to ask you something.”

 

“Okay.” Cas was only concerned about Dean’s eyes. He could see so much there now, and maybe he would be able to tell what exactly this was.

 

Dean slid his hand slightly so their fingers would lace together and he closed his tight against Castiel’s. “Do you think… you and me… we’re together?”

 

“We’ve never really said anything about that.”

 

“I mean like a couple.”

 

“I know what you mean,” Cas said. “I’m here, Dean. For you. I told you that.”

 

Dean stepped in closer, their entwined hands between them. “Yes, you are, Cas. You are always here.”

 

“I meant it when I said I need you. That hasn’t changed,” Cas said.

 

“Maybe…” Dean tipped in closer and Cas could see his face lit up white. Tears edged his eyelids, not yet spilling and his green eyes seemed to shimmer. “Maybe we change some things?” Dean leaned in and kissed Cas. While they’d kissed before, there was something different here. Both Dean and Cas were unhurried, and just the feeling of being lip to lip provided a surge of emotion for Cas. When Dean reached his free hand around Cas’s neck and lightly gripped the hair there to push them together even more, Cas was left wondering what this was and why. He pulled away in the name of taking a deep breath, but it was really to gather up his head. Dean was lonely without Sam, they’d been drinking, and yes- maybe there had been some of this going on between him and Dean before Sam left, but this felt very different.

 

Dean pulled him back and Cas turned off his brain for a little bit when Dean’s tongue broke into his mouth. So much of this was exactly what he had wanted several months ago when he moved in with the Winchester brothers, but not like this. Not because he was sad over Sam or unhappy with his choices.

 

Dean released the hand between them so that he could use both hands behind Cas’s neck. Cas went along with him, kissing back just as hard, searching for something there. Dean’s grip was almost crushing at his neck, then at his back and waist, grabbing at Cas like he was drowning. He stepped them back toward the stairs and when Cas’s foot caught on the lowest step, Dean clutched the railing, saving them both.

 

“Dean…” Cas breathed.

 

“I know. Just…” Dean kissed him again, all the while sitting him slowly down on the stairs and kneeling in front of him. He moved a little slower now, languidly tasting Cas, hands moving lightly against him. He slid out of his jacket without breaking the kiss and started working Cas out of his. Cas let him.

 

“Upstairs?” Dean whispered, voice thick. His eyelids flicked open but his eyes were dull in the dark. Cas wanted- needed- to see them, to really see Dean to know what this was.

 

“Yes.” Cas said and took Dean’s offered hand to pull him up. Dean kissed him lightly then took the lead up the stairs, drawing Cas along by the hand. Cas breathed in through an open mouth, trying to calm himself and collect his thoughts in a way that he could say out loud, but he didn’t really want that- he just wanted Dean. It had been Dean for years, even the time they spent apart after they all left hunting. He had felt lust before for someone he knew and the satisfaction of fulfilling that desire, but this- **this** \- was different. Each step up to their room built the anticipation until the last step was terrifying. This was Dean. His Dean that he’d been loving with permission for months now. Holding him up when he dropped low, sleeping beside him, reaching out for protection against Cas’s own inner battles.

 

Dean closed the door behind them as if someone might intrude, and Cas swallowed hard when Dean came in close again, his warm breath on Cas’s neck.

 

“Dean…”

 

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean kissed his jaw and then his lips and Cas involuntarily shivered .

 

“Dean, I don’t want this to be because you just need to be close to someone. Anyone.” he breathed hard, trying to decide if he could say it. He knew the answer, and it would break the moment. Or break the little thing they’d built here. But if he didn’t and they were together now- this way...

 

“I want you to need _me_.” Cas stepped back out of Dean’s touch, eyes wide and breathing heavy like he’d said the worst thing in the world.

 

Dean stared straight ahead looking beyond Cas, and in the bit of light coming in from the street lamp outside Cas could really see his face for the first time since they’d reached home. He’d withdrawn already, face blank, eyes flat and Cas’s stomach dropped. A different Dean now- the one that couldn’t say real things or much of anything at all.

 

“Dean,” he croaked, and thought immediately that this was what heartbreak felt like as he watched Dean go flat and inward when he’d said he wanted Dean to need him. He put his most precious desire in front of him and Dean had retreated.

 

“Give me a minute.” Dean closed his eyes and his head dropped down. There was no color in this lighting, just shades and they played off Dean’s face to further chisel cheekbones and the shape of a nose broken too many times. Cas simultaneously wanted to reach out and withdraw himself. He wanted to lift Dean back up uninjured, take back the words that had sliced him and press them small enough that they never existed. He wanted to pull back so that he couldn’t be hurt either. He waited for Dean to lash out against him, or worse- say nothing to him at all.

 

Dean spoke quiet. “I thought you and me… since you’ve been here, we’ve… I don’t know, I thought we were together.”

 

“Are we?” Cas asked. They had never really said, but then, that reeked of Dean’s usual behavior.

 

“Can we be?” Dean raised seeking eyes to meet Cas’s. He looked so vulnerable and alone.

 

Cas nodded slightly without meaning to. “I need to know what that means. I need to know if you-”

 

Then Dean was in his space and words left him as Dean’s eyes focused directly on his.

 

“You think I need anyone else like this, Cas?” Dean touched his face with strong but gentle fingers, sliding from brow to cheekbone to chin. “Do you really think there’s anyone else for me in the entire world?”

 

Cas kissed him first, and from there it was a tangle. They both pulled at clothes and wrestled out of things, twisting to try to keep as much contact with the other as they could while also getting all impediments out of the way. Dean walked them to the bed, kissing and sucking and sat down there, pulling Cas down with him to devour him. Cas rose to the challenge, undoing Dean’s belt and getting his pants down in a few seconds.

 

Dean looked up at him with those gorgeous eyes. His tongue flicked out across his lower lip at the same time his eyes darted to Cas’s mouth. But just as quick he looked straight into Castiel’s eyes before kissing him again. He pulled Cas in at the waist, pressing their bodies together and holding him tight as he rolled them so that he could be over Cas. That tongue appeared again but this time he put it to use on Cas, licking and biting at the skin on Cas’s stomach before undoing Cas’s jeans and getting them out of the way so he could move on to his dick.

 

Cas gasped a little when Dean first took him in his mouth. Dean hummed in appreciation at the sound and Cas had a hand to Dean’s head the next second. Dean licked and sucked, and when Cas was too close to coming he stopped him. Dean looked confused, but Cas pushed him back on the bed and pulled up his t-shirt to kiss the bare skin there. Dean squirmed beneath him and pulled Cas fully on top of him. He kissed him slow again and reached back to Cas’s dick, but Cas gripped his wrist, looked him straight in the eye.

 

“Don’t you think there’s a little clothing disparity here?” Cas asked. He pulled at Dean’s shirt- the only item of clothing left in play.

 

Dean laughed out loud and Cas paused a moment, staring into those eyes backlit by Dean’s delight. Dean didn’t really laugh like that anymore so Cas had come to worship those moments. He pulled the shirt over Dean’s head and pressed their mouths back together. The taste of him, the shape of him, all Dean- his Dean.

 

Dean pulled him back down against his body, holding him by the back of the neck as they kissed again but he broke away and panted into Cas’s mouth when Cas reached down between them to grip them both. Dean’s eyes slid closed, tongue out on his lower lip, totally focused on Cas’s work as he gripped them together.

 

Cas moved rhythmically between them, eyes on Dean. The feel of them both together was so intense that Cas almost couldn’t keep going, but he wanted so much to see Dean fall apart, to watch his skin flush and his mouth drop open. It all went just the way he imagined it might- Dean coloring down his neck and over his chest, and Cas sped up when Dean’s head dropped back and his neck stretched long. He couldn’t help it- Cas ducked down to lick him there and Dean moaned. He clutched at Cas’s back and cried out, and that sent Cas over too. Cas pressed into Dean’s chest, partly because he couldn’t hold himself apart any longer, and partly because Dean’s arms crushed him there. He pulled in ragged breath after ragged breath while he waited for a reaction from Dean that he couldn’t anticipate. They had never been to this place before and he wasn’t sure which Dean he would get this time.

 

Aside from breathing heavy Dean did not move. His eyes stayed shut and his chest slowed after a minute. Cas hardly blinked as he waited.

 

Finally he lifted his head. He felt like he had to say something, he needed to know. “Dean…” Cas started.

 

The corner of Dean’s mouth turned up, the corner closest to Cas, and his eyelids slid up just enough to see Cas’s face. Dean reached a hand to lay against Castiel’s cheek and he watched Cas for a moment before he nodded and stretched to kiss Cas’s forehead.

 

“I need _you_ , Cas, not this.” He smiled fully then. “But we should do this. This is good. Are you…?”

  
Cas nodded and lowered his forehead against Dean’s. “Yeah, this is good.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really appreciate your comments.
> 
> You can find more of my work at captainawesomeellie.tumblr.com


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